BLOW ME AWAY

♥Monday, September 28, 2009

What a waste
Where did the time go?
Where did our minds go?
I don't know
What's this place?
Where did our home go?
We won't know
I don't know

Too much of anything
Is too much
Too much of love
Can be too much
We had too much time
Too much us
So we fought like tomorrow was promised
Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, much
Much too much

-Too much by All time low

Love can be forced and you can't just pay the price for love because it just comes naturally, well today my topic will be Love is really hard. I think I got this inspiration from my freakiest dream last night. While I was sleeping, feeling happy because Lewis Hamilton won.

Akmal is just so stup-stupid of course. Well, freeloader. Well, where was I, oh ya. Freakiest dream, I think it will not happen if I can't stopped thinking about it so much, well last night I was dreaming that....

I was married at a very young age to someone who is very handsome. Not only handsome but very charming. Although you think it's okay what. It isn't to tell you the truth, I wasn't happy with what I was because firstly, the marriage was a forced. There was no intention for marrying a man like that because I wanted to study. I looked myself at the mirror. As I thought to myself, "who the hell is this girl? why is she crying?" As I looked deeper and deeper as close as I could. I realised it was me.

Well that did not end. I was wearing the traditional malay wedding costume. I realised that the driver was the one whom I was marrying. He looks in his early twenties. He had a brilliant smile, he looked intelligent and his face, it looks like I have seen him before, but where? He looked Japanese although it's impossible. He spoke in malay when I thought it was really imposible. He was also standing 5'10 feet tall.

As we got out of the car. My mum was holding my hand with tears in her eyes. I did cry too. I just realised that the man had just asked for blessings and how stupid could they accept a man whom I don't know. Well I think it could be a family friend's son. That's what I thought.

Well when I thought to myself. Why am I marrying this man? What's wrong with me? Well, to me it was a total nightmare. First, I don't even this man, secondly, I'm not in love with him and lastly, why did my parents agreed.

Well that's when I woke up. It was then 5.35 am. And got ready for school. Thank god, I thought to myself it was just a dream. It will surely not happen if I don't think too much about it. Well that's all. Love is really hard to accept it that's all I just got to say.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[5:08 PM]

Missing you all day long

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

-Won't go home without you by Maroon 5.

Well today's topic is well, different in sense and hope everyone will understand what is really happening to me. Well, first I give my special thanks to Christofer Drew, who inspires me. Really he does. I've been down for how many weeks without people knowing.

I have set myself a goal. Although there will be a million but I will put 10. So it's hard to decide but first I will put Christofer's ten goal.

Build a closer relationship with God.
Beat all addictions.
Read a book each month.
Stay true to my diet/life decision to veganism.
Start running again.
Early to bed, Early to rise.
Study music theory.
Learn five new chords or scales a month.
Practice piano every chance I get.
Write in my journal everyday.

Well this will be mine,

At least spent some quality time with famiy
Be independent, stand up for myself
Try to learnt how to play the guitar
Stopped mourning about death
Listen to more healing songs
Think before doing anything which caused stupidity
Less of self praised
Learnt a new word per week
Try to dance
Just be myself for the rest of the years, be happy with what I am.

Well tell me what's yours.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[8:22 PM]

Missing you all day long

I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around...
And say...

That it's too late to apologize.
It's too late...
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
Yeah!

-Apologize by OneRepublic.

Think whether you're forgiven, Aliff Aziz?

Well this message is for the stupid boy. Wait I do hate him since he won the Anugerah 2008. Well no, I hate him ever since he entered the competition. Well he's such a loser. Well, letmme not talked more how much Nurul and I still hate him.

Well, I got stale news.I know Syawal or should I say Hari Raya is the month of forgiving. Well, the truth is,

Well Aliff Aziz if you are reading this, well you totally deserve it because firstly, you were dumb. God give ya brains to think properly and secondly, you're such an a-hole.

Well, he totally deserved a canning from his parents and he has to ask for more forgiveness. Yes, then he should apologize personally to that poor lady and to god. He should say how much he regretted kissing the lady and says if he's taking baby steps to commit a crime.

Well, you know what I meant by baby steps,
from touching each other -> kissing each other -> To doing it in public ->Then do the actually adult thing -> And lastly congratulations, you are known for commiting a sin and crime and finally you will be dad/mum.

Well, my message to everyone is,

Your parents may not know what are you doing, but this type of things, my maturity level really go up by 70 percent. So my parents raised me up and I know what's right and wrong. Although how much I want to hide it well god knows everything.

Well, today was deeply a shocked, seriously.

Well, I don''t care whether you hate Aliff Aziz or not. But here's a personal message for you.

I forgive you, although you may find some people not forgiving you but I do forgive you, it does not mean like you and you're forgiven. Under my rights, you have no right or whatever things to ask me to delete this post.

And Aliff Aziz, you're forgiven by me but I HATE YOU!

LOVE,
Zarifah

[9:30 PM]

Missing you all day long

Jenny
What's the problem?
You leave me hanging on the line,
Everytime you change your mind.

First you say you won't
Then you say you will
You keep me hanging on,
And we're not moving on

We're standing still, Jenny
You've got me on my knees, Jenny
It's killing me

She needs her own space
She's playing mind games
Ends up at my place
Saying that she's changed

-Jenny by The Click Five

Zarifah, what's the problem?

I don't know,man! I'm so weird. I created my own day!
Orangeshirtday and pinkshortsday!

Well, every tuesday and thursday, i'm supposed to wear pink shorts.

Well, today was like kind of boring and man, i'm so tired now a days. Maybe it's the hari raya that made me really tired. I think I feel like killing myself everytime I told myself that I have a St Pats friend.

Stupid leh! Why in the world did I add my neighbour. Now just blaming on myself. Oh yes, I found Shermaine's blog! Yay! Well, now a days there's nothing much for me to talk about.

Well, my ego is up again. Well oh yes! Today I went for the Shengyang interview. I did great. I guessed. Well I was too confident. Yes, today I also did talked to Isabella. She's really great and friendly. I wonder why is everyone giving such a bad impression of her? Well she's nice okay, talk to her. It was a great time talking to her just now before the interview!

LOVE,
Zarifah

[6:11 PM]

Missing you all day long

I'm in love
From the first time
I laid my eyes on you
Shoo doo doo doo doo doo-ooh
There's nothing I can do, oh
And I'm in love
From the first time I laid my lips on yours
Now you're walking out my door
And there's nothing I can do

-Simple Enough By Nevershoutnever

First this song was based on my dream today. I guess it was a really good dream. But I can't remember who I had it with, but I could remember. It was a band. There's a red haired girl in it with three other guys. It's not paramore but I could remember because I felt like I knew the person.

But nevermind. Selamat Hari Raya everyone!

Okay. First I didn't had enough sleep. 6 hours of sleep only because that night of malam raya, I was watching the peformance until midnight. Then I think I didn't sleep really well. Man, I feel so tired that I do want to sleep again but I guess today there will be alot of people coming to my house.

So helped Mummy plucked curry leaves. Hey, do you know that morning I felt really fresh. It was as if I was watching sunrise. But the atmosphere outside was really nice. While plucking, there was two things watching me as I cut one stalked and another a few more. The eyes were really big and by the time I turned to see the thing. The two naughty felines wanted to jumped on me. I chased them. Sighs. Squicky and Queen. It felt really great actually.

Then wash up and can't remember do what. Help Mummy put the money in the hari raya packet. Really had to organized it. At first I was wearing pearl necklace then Mummy asked me to changed it to her match necklace and ring and followed by my watch.

Yes. Then the boys came back from their morning prayers. So the boys got ready then we ask forgiveness. Finally at least I speak abit of malay. But my malay koyak. There was abit of english in it.Take family photo and then headed to my grandparents house.

So let's fast forward to the 9th house because the third house is the same as the second house and all the same. All kuih and kuih and lontong and lontong. Share the same story too. So the 9th house. Tok Long's house. Our second last league.Ate bamiah. The bamiah, was so delicious and my stomach was really small. I can't absorb the meat in my tummy. So abang had to finish mine. I really felt like giving up.

You should try, you know. Then off to the pitstop, the 10 th house. Nek Yam's house. Rest there for three hours. We were the first there. Finally, it was not very crowded. Yes, I prayed then there was Auntie Mona's family were there. The adults were talking as ususal.

Abang, I and Zul talk. We talked of what the adults were talking about and school and school. Alot. But basically I was the one talking to him. Sorry but i'm pretty naive. Ya. Then of to pray again. Prayed then gave him my facebook name so that I could add him.

See this family thing, you only see people once a year. Then, went off to Tok Salim's house. There we still the first one. Tok Salim was like why everyone came at night, it was because they are always home at night. Then the crowd started.

Talk to Atok and others. Then we went home. I'm very tired now and then but bye people.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[11:32 AM]

Missing you all day long

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it 'cause
I can't ignore it if it's love
Makes me wanna turn around and face me
But I don't know nothing about love

-Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows

Today my topic will be from Backstreet boys to Varsity Fanclub.

Well, the truth is I was the biggest fan of backstreet boys when I was young. Around 4 years old. That was like one of the favourite boy band which I will constantly listen. For hours, I guess. Well, I used to have a crush with one of the members , the blonde one. Oh no, can't remember the name at all. But one of my favourite songs were, get down.

Well,now. I LOVE VARSITY FANCLUB.

Well, Drew,Jayk and Thomas "TC" Carter are my favourites. Well, I became a fan within less than an hour. Fine, I added them on myspace. Weird! There's no group about them in facebook. Hey people, please make. I'm so lazy to make.

Sighs. Tomorrow will be Hari Raya. Remember things, never eat too much, eat in moderation, drink tea and at least one cup of fizzy drink in each house. Act normal and happy. DOn't forget to eat nenek's beef rendang and ketupat and oh yes, charge camera.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[3:16 PM]

Missing you all day long

I know that I've been dancing around the truth
Tell me what the hell
I'm suppose to do
I'm a little bit aggitated
With a slight scent of denile

(Please don't call)
(Me again)

-Smelyalata by Nevershoutnever!

I'm just going to tell you a short story. This story is about a dream, which happened recently.

The beam of light and her. Or in another words the angel and her.

The girl.The girl who used to be very bubbly. She loves to smile alot but after a tragic incident, she became really upset and could only cried for two weeks. So almost everyday she would cry and cry. Tragedy has really punched her too hard.

There's one night there was this beam of light. A figure. It could only talked to the ones that are totally hurt.

"What's the matter, my dear?" the light asked.
"I missed my friend alot. I'm afraid to sleep so that when I don't sleep, it would not affect my friends. My friends would not go to the light" she answered.

Soon this beam of light became really dimmer and dimmer. It forms a figure of her friend who passed away.

"You don't need to cry. I'll be above watching you." her friend said.
"Will I be able to see you again?" she asked.

The friend just nod his head. Slowly he dissapeared, but he did left a message for her.
The message was:

As time goes by, no matter how young or old,
you are, you have to let go of things,
no matter how important the person or something is to you,
if you do miss the person just look up at the skies,
and pray that he or she will be alright,
as life must go on.

Yes. That's all. The dreamed that I had. The note is still in my head. I know life has been hard. But whatever it is, life still must go on.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[7:37 PM]

Missing you all day long

I know that you, you are busy living your own life
I can't make you, make you give me all of your time
But I just wish it could be like it was yesterday
I think it stinks that these stupid problems got in the way

So let's go back now to the times that were fun
I'm so sick of the lies that someone else's mind has won
I don't care what they think,
I don't care who all cares
I just don't want you to leave

-Let's go back by Everyday Sunday

See i'm such a stupid girl! Stupid girl!Sighs.

This is what happens if I don't sleep properly. I am so dumb. Maybe now is a good time to turn over a new leaf again. Akmal has told every teacher i'm not coming back for the next teacher's day. This type of things needs lots of practiced.

No reasons to cry now although how much it hurts the most. Everytime I hear something about Mercy Relief or something else. My heart just sinks. I'm not stupid eventually. I'm actually quite smart. And I try to make all my answers have alittle of common sense.

Maybe this incident really made me, wake up! Just wake up... Sighs. Today I was really sick. My body is acheing like every minute. Stupid running nose and sore troat. I should have gone to school but I think I would collapse in class. So I slept the whole day. Went to the doctor around 4 pm.

Akmal such a "kaypoh"... I'm not swearing this fasting month. But seriously, he's so kaypoh. I was like so pissed with him just now. You wouldn't know how embarassed I was. My head was heavy and body acheing. Waited for mum for 20 minutes near the MRT.

Then after going doctor went to buy food to break fast.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[8:11 PM]

Missing you all day long

To wake up knowing you've got the day
To take on without feeling okay
To make yourself unwilling to sleep away
Sleep away the pain
Don't take off running without my say
Don't pay that price you thought you'd pay
You're got the choice you've got the time of day
Just don't sleep away the pain

-The World Calling by There For Tomorrow

It really had affects me for two weeks. I have been crying in class privately. So that no one will know that I've been crying.I cried again today during english period when my head was down on the table. Thinking and thinking. Reflecting and reflecting. I'm so tensed that Sufi had plucked another white hair from my hair. Two weeks. Two weeks. My learning point for these two weeks is Zarifah is so weak. Although she's a self praised person.

Tell me, how many times I said that I will be really okay and could managed on my own?

I really had it. I want to stopped.Dear parents and teachers or even my friends. Please do not sent me for councelling. I hate councelling. I just don't them to know anything at all although how many times I tried to hide it. The thing is it's heartbroken. I can't sleep thinking what else would reality will give me. Am I such a loser to this world? Wait, maybe my answer is....

Yes, i'm a loser to these world. For these two weeks, to tell you honestly, my smiles were all faked so that I could hide it from everyone. I hate myself right now. I want to turned back time so that I would be happy again. I don't want my uncle to see me how upset I am. It's just that he was a great friend. Who wouldn't be upset to lose a great friend who really understands you.

I'm such a liar. I lost the whole concept stating that I will be okay. But i'm really not.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[6:28 PM]

Missing you all day long

I've been waitin my whole life
For a someone like you
To go and pick me up
And take away my blues
It's been one hell of a year
In my own shoes
But I got some questions for you

-Did it hurt by Nevershoutnever

Did it really hurt when I do feel this way?

A short answer, yes, it hurts very much. I know why. Everyone knows why. I just want to run and hide it away. But everytime I run, I will end up falling. Falling badly.

Reality has made me not sleep. I can't sleep at all. I do have a bad feeling of sleeping, the next morning. What will reality do to me again? Break my heart twice or maybe thrice. Oh god knows what.

I had to do a composition for myself and randomly choose a topic on a book. It was learning to accept death. The truth is it's really hard to accept it. Although how many times you say you will be really okay. But it isn't.

I'm all worried because i'm afraid to know what will happen the next day. I know i'm really tired but tears really can't stop rolling down every night. Although there's a fake smile at night or totally unspoken with.

Times have been really rough for me but i'm really praying for a change. I do really need to breakdown slowly but can someone be in class with me. I'm afraid to be lonely because if I talk to someone the possibility is I will not cry and I will show abit of smile on my face. Although how freakingly hard is it now.

Gotta try to sleep but hope that everything will be okay next month.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[10:08 PM]

Missing you all day long

In a snitch like this
You gotta think and I don't think you
Think about the way he thinks
And I know you live life
For yourself
But it all comes down to
The way you help

- What is love? By Nevershoutnever!

Today we went to Ehub! As a family of course we reached there around 3.35 pm. Actually we wanted to play bowling but since it was too crowded, we went to watch a movie, G-Force.

Well, G-force. I love Darwin. He's so cute that cute little guinue pig!It was really hilarious. I love at the part when the girl guinue pig said, " Oh my god, I look like Paris Hilton's chiwawa."That part was really funny.

Well then Akmal and abah had to go home while mummy, abang and I had dinner at Ehub! We played bowling then went to the korean barbeque. Shocking!The place wasn't that crowded at all.

Then went home.

Anything new today?

Not at all. I still am addicted to blogger, so I would not shut down any of my blogs.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[9:00 PM]

Missing you all day long

What a waste
Where does the time go?
Where did our minds go?
I don't know
What's this place?
Where did my heart go?
We'll never know
I'll never know

-Too Much By All Time Low

I know I have listened to lots of music today but really couldn't remember what was going around me. Well, my friend plucked my white hair from my hair. I don't know what's wrong with me but maybe I'm too stressed. I did want to cry again but not in private but worse, on the bus. Where everyone could see me.

Why can't I let go?

It's just too hard. It takes time after time. Well, I have no idea where all the love go. I been crying myself to sleep. Or maybe. I'm too fond of that person who made me laugh alot and think about positive things.

What's new with me?

I have 2 new blogs. One tumblr and the other one onsugar. Well, you might think, it's alittle insane but who cares. I can cope with it. I have my purpose why I have these blogs. Well, sometimes I really don't have any idea what's wrong with me.

Well, I can't keep this feeling any longer. Wait, there are two feelings to these, one of these is loving someone and the other one is feeling of lost in another dimension. If I could rate myself I would be somewhere in the middle. Stuck with the lose of loving someone who is already gone and loving someone special. Who is me.

I really don't know when I will be properly healed.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[8:02 PM]

Missing you all day long

But my heart was racing.
My mind was screaming,
"you've got your whole life to do these things."
But my legs were shaking

-Losing it by Nevershoutnever

I'm finally healing.Every bit by me is healing to become a me.A normal me. I guess I should not make too much promises because I could cry again. Well today was my interview. But before that, I had history.

Woah! I tell you. It's damn hard for three class to settle down in the AVT. Oh god, the attendence really =#....I really have nothing to say about it. I reminded everyone okay. But you guys didn't turn up. Well at least sms me larh why you never come like Regine did.

Well then I had 30 minutes to listen to Mr Ramlee. He look so sick today. Well when I was about to leave for my interview.

Me:Jade I got my interview. How on earth am I going to tell him?
(Jade raised up her hand)
Jade:Mr Lee, Zarifah have an interview to go?
Mr Lee:What interview?
Me:Student Leader.
Mr Lee: If you have to go then go.

Well I was like so pissed. Then after interview went to Nurul's house to have a nap. Nap until 3.30 pm then we went for tuition. By then, there wasn't anyone at home so we went back to her house again. Gossip and gossip.

Then went home.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[9:27 PM]

Missing you all day long

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be

And you're only as small as the world will make you seem

When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall

Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall."

-On the brightside by Nevershoutnever

My gut and I always have conversation. I know you may think it's crazy but the conversation goes likes this.

Me: Am I really going be okay?

Gut:Yes. But no promises.

Gut: Why are you crying again.

Me: Life just hurts the most. Especially when you think everything will be okay but it's not.

Gut: Just calm down he's in a better place.

Me: I just miss him...

Need another hug,well my interview is going be tomorrow wish me luck.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[9:45 AM]

Missing you all day long

Oh, Mondays I sleep away
Tuesdays I lay awake
Wednesdays, they are the worst
Woah, Thursdays I reminisce
Fridays I see your face
And I can't breathe.

-Dare4distance by Nevershoutnever!

This past few days I have been making short posts. I'm really sorry, is just that I have been mourning about my cousin's uncle's death. Everyone loves him. Me too. Is just that I missed him so much. So, i'm really sorry about that. I promise I will update more when I get better.

Sorry Danny,
I called you a girl because of ya hair.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[8:52 PM]

Missing you all day long

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

-How to safe a life by The Fray

Am I depressed or what?

I need a hug....no...I just need to be more calmed. Crying myself to sleep isn't the right thing. I don't want to see a councellor. I just want to be myself and far from things. I just need some time. I have say this lots of times but it's seems that I will not think about things. I can't run to save a life. I just need a healing song right now by Nevershoutnever. I don't know if it will take forever to be strong.

Please help me.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[8:08 PM]

Missing you all day long

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do the things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

-The Reason by Hoobastank

I know times have been rough for me recently. I don't know whether I should continue writing or create a new one. I don't know my emotions change very oddly and now crying then happy then upset and angry then happy. Really don't know what's wrong but to tell you honestly, I need a friend right now.

I miss you,Uncle.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[9:03 PM]

Missing you all day long

Let's get these teen hearts beating.

Faster, faster

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close

-Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by Panic! At the disco

Ohmygee. Why did I forget about Spencer Smith's birthday? Well happy birthday, Spencer! Hope he does not really quit the band and I wish him all the best.

Well. To tell you honestly, i'm not ready yet. I'm still at a state where there's this broken heart which constantly miss someone close. I do want to wish to stop crying but the more I talk and think about it. My mind constantly be worried and began to cry.

I really miss him. I think i'm the weakest. I want to be strong and really brave. I'm really afraid to show people that I'm crying.

Well, try to update when everythings okay.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[6:42 PM]

Missing you all day long

Oh ***** you blogger! But who cares. I would like to dedicate this song to my classmate and my friends who cheered me up today. Although, this will take for days, I know I will get over it.

You make me happy whether you know it or not
We should be happy that's what I said from the start
I am so happy knowing you are the one
That I want for the rest of my days
For the rest of my days
You're all of my days

You're lookin' so cool
you're lookin' so fly
I can't deny that when I'm staring
You down right dead in the eye
I wanna try to be the person you want
The person you need
It's hard to conceive

That somebody like you could be with
Someone like me
I'm happy knowing that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think the more I wish
That we could lay here for hours and just reminisce

Uh oh oh

You're lookin so fresh
It's catching my eye
Why oh why did I not see this before
The girl I adore was right in front of me
And now I'll take a step back and look in your eyeA
nd ask why it took so long to see

Were meant to beI'm happy knowing that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think the more I wish
That we could lay here for hours and just reminisce

On the good, the bad, the ugly
The smiles, the laughs, the funny,
Or all the things we put each other through
It's for you for you for you

You make me happy whether you know it or not
We should be happy that's what I said from the start
I am so happy knowing you are the one
That I want for the rest of my days
For the rest of my days I'm happy knowing that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think the more I wish
That we could lay here for hours and just reminisce

Uh oh oh

Ya thank you guys! And i'm really sorry that I cried infront of ya! Just feel so weak right now

LOVE,
Zarifah

[6:18 PM]

Missing you all day long

You know that I'm a wreck
And you know I can't breathe
At the edge of my seat with each word
As the months turn into years
Just know that I will wait... here,
For you

-Hummingbird by Nevershoutnever

My condolences to a distant relative, cousin's uncle, someone close, a great friend.

Uncle Salahudin Bin Johari
(1971-2009)

He's a great man. He never fails to cheer a person up anytime,anywhere. He has a very spiritual character. He never fails to smile and everyone loves him. A young man who has a generous heart and is very nice and patient to children and teenagers like me.

I'm going to miss him so much. I will remember his kind soul. Let me tell you a story which was memorable to me.

It was 3-4 years ago, it was at my cousin's party and he was smoking. My older brother and I approached him because while smoking, he was watching a game of squash. He was not alone as his girlfriend(now wife) was with him talking. I also did remember how the conversation went.

Zafran: Give me the ciggrette pack.
Uncle: But you're too young to smoke.
Me: I know we are here to confiscate it.
(Uncle was smiling)
Zafran: Please put whatever ciggrette pack in the trolley now.
Me: Yes, now!
(girlfriend was giggling)

That's what I mostly remember as I got older, there were alot of maturity talk like an example on studies and etc.

Dear Allah,

Please forgive all his sins, and please forgive him for his wrong doings. I hope that he will be in the other side of the world safe and peaceful. Please let him in heaven with your open arms.

Ameen.

I will remember him, if you see smile then cry, just ignore me.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[8:55 PM]

Missing you all day long