BLOW ME AWAY

♥Monday, December 28, 2009

I promise to update soon. Really promise

LOVE,
Zarifah

[10:07 PM]

Missing you all day long

Close your eyes, close my eyes
Slide the cotton off of your shoulder
And feel the shine, feel the shine
I'm hooked so toss me over and cast a line,
oh I'll try
Oh, throw a party and greet my undersea friends
It depends, as they arrive, if they arrive

The Bird and the worm by Owl City

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am really am.

Today I really felt empty. Felt of sadness. I didn't want to go for the visit because i'm not ready to face another one. Although I am not close to this one but I was close to the previous one before him.

Seeing a family member losing someone who is very important to them makes me sad. I still do remember the 5 months ago incident. The one that I was really upset to admit to my firends how sad I was and my sadness was really obvious to others.

The only thing I want to say to god is this. Ya Allah, please don't take anyone of whom I know nor my family members away from me. I really don't want them to leave me. I do want to know why everyone is leaving. I do want to see them again. Well, I do see them in my dreams, and their replies are "Soon." How soon will I see them again?

Well, I really don't know what to say. All I could say is that Akmal is the only one that I had my heart-to-heart conversation although I know I don't trust him that much

LOVE,
Zarifah

[9:07 PM]

Missing you all day long

Dear Abang,

I know this might be late but hopefully i'm not too late. I know that I do act like an older sister sometimes, it's not because i'm too envious that you're the older brother. It's just that I care about too many people that's why. I just want to say I do love you although I have not said " I love you" to anyone from my mouth this whole week so this is my chance to say I do love you and care for you.

I know times have been rough for the both of us, especially now you're in college, having the most busiest time but I do actually cherish those little time I spent with you. Well, today you made me really happy. Really happy that I'm terribly touched. I know myself I have not been alright ever since those incident and curing from it. Thank you for the CD that you bought for me from Japan. I do love it.

I want to say that any girl would be lucky to have you like what i'm feeling right now. I do feel lucky to have a protective brother who cares about me and whereabouts. I have not had a heart to heart conversation to you yet maybe I have but not this year.

I just want to say I know you can do it and all the best for you next year A levels. I love you!

Lots of love,
Zarifah

I will talk about my trip to the zoo next time

LOVE,
Zarifah

[9:26 PM]

Missing you all day long

Hey peeps.

I know I have not update for a long time. Now i'm going to write a list of what I have not said this week.

1. Have not said "I love you" to anyone yet.
2. Haven't hug a single person yet.
3. Did not scream at the top of my voice.
4. Never wink

This are the few things. I know tonight was a great night but deep deep in my heart I do really want to say something. I want to scream it out. I want to go to the beach so that I could scream it out loud. So here it's what I do want to say.

When can I see you again? Seriously again! I do miss you really badly. I really do! Since you're gone my life is half empty. What happen to the nights when you pay me a visit silently? When I can't see you but I do feel you? Stroking my hair?(for greatgrandma) Holding my hand? (for uncle)

I really can't say it right now because the way they love me, it just keeps me going. I do want to say I love them but I couldn't just lost at words. Sometimes, I think of ending my life but think about others who do care for me.

I wish those people were really around. I do miss them. Sometimes it is really painful just to sleep and wake up. Whenever I wake up, I will start thinking who will be the next one to go to the after life. And when I go to sleep, I always think what happens if I close my eyes, I would not know what will happen next.

Okay that's all.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[10:11 PM]

Missing you all day long

Not going to post any songs but just feel like updating today's subject.

I am...

I will not going to used this kind of things like I am a girl...I will just have to explain why I feel like these.

I am a girl whose sensitive about the subject money. It is this because I hate when people do money talk around me especially adults. I have tried everything to avoid it. Money isn't my main concern at this age so far, it has been how I behave around people and how I plan my future. Well, dad, I'm begging ya please stop talking about money around with me. I'm a teenager not an adult yet.

I am someone who hypnotisied herself to sleep. I do believe there is my other side of myself whose hypnotising me. Every night, since after the worst of myself, there has been someone hypnotising me. Well, I tend to cry myself to sleep but as I cry my hands will go up and it will stop at the position. I can't put it down as it is really difficult. Then I do feel someone really touching my hands and someone stroking my hair as I fall asleep. I will wake up in the middle of the night but yet there will be someone holding my legs trying to calm me down.

I am someone who is able to cry to whatever songs I listen to although it is happy or not. Like wise, sometimes as I listen to a happy song, I tend to cry at night. Even like this song an example Cooking Cooking by Super Junior- Happy. It's supposed to be very funny song, I still do cry. Seriously, I do.

I am someone who keeps on saying that I want to be multilingual. Seriously, I have told this to my friends alot of time. I say I want to learnt korean and chinese because if I am fluent, I could go to Korea or even China to further my sudies. Well I have a few more reasons why actually.

I am someone who loves korean stuffs without a reason. I have wrote korean stories like you know a fanfic about my favourite korean singer from SNSD, Seohyun. Since she is popular but really quiet. So I have written alot but I keep it private. So go find it yourselves.

Okay that's all.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[9:50 PM]

Missing you all day long