BLOW ME AWAY

♥Saturday, February 20, 2010

A late night and rain falling down
I bring you back from my memories.
I promised myself I would be fine without you, but I can’t help it.
I take in liquor which I don’t even know how to handle trying to fill my empty heart
A day without you is too long.
I pray that I may please forget you (that’s a lie).

-Lie by Big Bang

The loneliness of me.

For the past few weeks. I admit to myself that I have not been proud of myself. But I do accept myself. I know I have withdrawn away from my friends but I do accept that. I accept myself that some people left me alone with a broken heart.

First, I promise that I would keep myself alive for the next few months and weak. Depression. I'm fighting it all alone. The medicine really made me really sleepy and tired. I want to sleep. I do have bad dreams that made me wake up 3 to 4 times at the middle of the night and it is really hard to sleep back.

I shall now pray for everyone.

Dear God,

My wish is everyday, I could wake up normally and be normal like everyone around me. I do not wish of the bad dreams you give me to happen. Please support my friends who are supporting me right now. I do wish that you might give them a better pathway for them than towards me. God, I wish that you could keep my friends, grandparents and my parents really healthy. Give me the will to stay happy as I could and please let my friends know that everyday, I love them and love you, Allah.

Amin.

I'm scared. My heart is thumping really fast. I do have sucidal thoughts just to let you guys know but I promise not to kill myself. Thanks you guys for making me move forward. I love you all.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[8:29 AM]

Missing you all day long