Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

How to save a life by The Fray

As for today, let me write letters to everyone. Every single of you. It's not my excuse for not being at a better state. I will also write it to my uncle who is in the other world who I hope that he could appear infront of me oneday.

Dear Nurul/Denise,

We have been friends since Sec 1 (Primary 5 for Nurul). We have known each other for quite a long time now. I just want to thank you for being supportive with my decision and being there, for my stupid acts. Thank you for being a second mom to me because after I fall ill, you have always ensure that I always take my medicine and always sleep early. You become my mother because you always offer free hugs in whatever moods.I just love you.

Zarifah

Dear uncle,

I wish that you c-could just appear infront of me although you're dead now. I was just thinking of you. I'm visiting you this Friday again. What am I going to say to you? Really i'm just so speechless when I visit you. I can't feel you. I just feel cold when I go there although it will either be in the morning or at the evening, I think I would just feel so cold. I'm just blaming everyone who caused you to die. It is painful every morning. Mommy are protecting those people. Why can't I blame them. They bullied me before. Why did you go away from everyone even me. I don't feel like going back there. To that painful,chaotic and childish school. The teachers are okay but some of the people there aren't. I'm not going there back for this year teacher's day. I just feel that I have failed everyone. That is what I feel. Fake smiles in and out. Am I crazy? I think I am. Uncle, whatever the cost, i'm still willing to see you. Uncle do you know that I had the most horrible dream, one night? Yes I did. I dream that I died the next day. The day after the next day after one day to another. I dream that I died while drowning in the swimming pool and anything that consists of water. I got sick the next day. Thinking of swimming, I do want but willing to risk my life, no way. I will write again.

Zarifah

Okay everyone I'm just sorry that I failed you. That's all. I don't know if I still have to do morning duty.