BLOW ME AWAY

♥Sunday, November 28, 2010

I seriously need to quit my CCA!

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

-The Only Exception By Paramore

I had enough, I had gone through alot of pain. I did not sleep for one day again which was two days ago. I saw things again. I hid. I swore and I cried. I just want to quit my freaking loser cca. I hate my CCA so much and I hate it. I tell everyone that angklung isn't cool. I'm tired of everyone expecting me to perform for SYF 2011. Would you stop it? I had enough. Really enough. I'm talent wasted, I get it. I go for CCA for the sake of my CCA points. I'm not going to perform anymore. I just want retire already from CCA.

In my mind, I'm cursing everyone including my primary school schoolmates. I call you schoolmates cause we are no longer friends except for some others. In my mind, I'm trying to tell everyone to get a life and get out. To the people out there that says let's do things together, do it yourselves. You are not fighting together cause I'm fighting this alone. I'm fighting my sickness alone. There is no together. I'm just tired and when people say you are not alone to me. I am alone. I am really alone fighting this depression. Writing on this blog kills me.

Can you pray,will you? I thought I will wake up 6.15 am last two days to pray since I could not sleep, I slept less than two hours but when I was asleep no one woke me up to pray until I found out it was 8 am. I really wanted to pray that you will pray. I'm just upset now. I just want to continue my life now and get the hell out of here.

LOVE,
Zarifah

[1:17 PM]

Missing you all day long